telugu [...] 2

enni baashalu nerchina
enni maatalu vacchina
enni gaadhalu chadivina

nuvvu nannu choosinappudu
nenu ninnu choosinappudu

mana manasu matala
baasha veru

Padalu leni ee baasha lo
Maatalu leni ee baasha lo
Sampoornata

Mana manasula maatalu

[ No matter the languages learnt
no matter the words acquainted
no matter the epics read

when you look at me
when I look at you

the conversation of our hearts
is a language of its own

In a language with no alphabets
in a language with no words
Completeness/Comprehension

Is the conversation of our hearts ]

The Truth

You have hope
Believe in your dreams

You look the other way
Run away, wish, pray for a miracle

You live in oblivion
Refuse to believe what's real

The Truth shall set you free
Open your eyes to it
It's all good

You endure the pain
Nothing is ever in vain

Smile and move on
Because the Truth shall set you free

The Cheer

A Star is a star, is a star
No matter who you are
No matter how you are
No matter how you feel

I tell you my dreams
In the hope that its you and me
When it isn't to be
My dreams are mine

Though you'll always remain dear
When it isn't to be
My dreams are mine
And so is the Cheer

Bliss

bliss - [blis]

-supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment

random [...]

Glory is resistance in the midst of temptation.
Glory is standing tall when desolate.

The Riverside

I'm walking down the river side.
The same path I take everyday. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow.
My thoughts and my shadow are my only companion.
Today, I stopped for a brief second, reached out to a Eucalyptus leaf.
I plucked it out and after three folds, took a deep breath from it.
The scent of it was heart warming, unlike one I have ever had before.

It isn't an Epiphany.
It isn't a secret message.
It isn't the meaning of life.

It's happiness.
It's contentment.
It's not a metaphor, it's Real Life.

Conversations [...]

m: whoa dude, what the hell happened to you?
h: yeah i know, i look like crap !

m: ah its not that bad, don't be too hard on yourself.
h: hehe, this sucks, but also strangely liberating

m: yeah, that can happen
h: i know. its time to dig and uproot

m: yup, its pretty deep in
h: this is gotta be one of them paradigm shifts

m: you'll get there slowly, dont be too caught up on one thing
h: haha, you're right, thats what got me here in the first place !

m: phew, i cant tell you how happy i am
h: i'm not there yet, give me some time, i'll be there

m: yup, all in good time my friend
h: all in good time.

Telugu lo manasu maatalu (Heart felt emotions in Telugu) 1

mahasamudra thattuna nuvvu nenu
alalu laanti aalochanalu
sukham anna nuvve dukham anna nuvve
kopam anna nuvve karuna anna nuvve
jeevithaniki ardhanivi nuvve


(You and me on the ocean shore
thoughts resembling the waves
happiness is you, sadness is you
anger is you, humility is you
you are the meaning of my life)

untitled [...] 4

If pictures speak a thousand words
An idea spurs a million
I'm not in love with a picture of you,
I'm in love with the idea of you

But how can it be love
When the words I say, they push you away
How can it be love
When I feel it for you and you don't feel it for me

Its a hope that is hoped for, but better left in despair
Its a dream that is dreamt, but best served unfulfilled

My beloved

Oh my beloved,
Of dreams, beach and breeze
When you come to life
In the moment, forever I want to freeze

Oh my beloved,
I've carved you out in clay
When you come to life
Will you love me or slip away

Growing up.

Happy or Sad
With no shades of gray
I finally realized
why I feel this way
I'm not a kid
This is a child at play.

Wise and Mature,
As well I may be
When it comes to the heart
There is an infant in me.

I have to grow up
And be well understood
Of the lessons I've learnt
That've taught me the good.

Wise and Mature,
I will be, I will be
When I grow up
In shades of gray I will see.

untitled [...] 3

Generations pass,
as I sit, glaring at the horizon
time stands still
life seems to have lost its meaning

I stop to smell the roses,
see the dance of the dew drops,
smell the earth before the rain,
I stop, all but for a reluctant smile

The full spectrum of emotions,
the joy, the hope, the angst
the faith, the patience, the fear,
they pierce through me as I lay quiet

All dedicated to the month of October,
as generations pass by the second,
I wait for the time,
the reluctance is lost from my smile.

Strong Points of a hopeful heart

* Falling ( by following your heart)
* Seeing a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day (Inspired by the Temptations)
* Loss of sanity (everything is not logical)
* Living in oblivion (everything is not as it seems)
* Defying logic and doing things, otherwise frowned upon (human beings are not machines)
* Transition form bitter to sweet and vice versa in a snap (Emotions)
* Getting pseudo epiphanies (Hope envisions itself)
* Escapes to La-La land (Having something to look forward to)
* Hurting/Self-loathing, as a consequence of own actions and expectations (Emotions, Human Beings)
* Believing and hoping when there is nothing to hope or believe in (Following gut instincts)

In contrast to this

Waiting...

Every time I see your name light up
There's a spark
I'm alive

My heart screams
But I stay quiet

I want to reach out
But I stay restrained

Its a matter of time
Its just a matter of time

For, the ray of hope could be sunshine
or just a star on this boulevard of mine

The words unspoken

The words unspoken are relentless
They play tricks with the heart and the mind
Sometimes cruel, sometimes kind

I hold on to a memory
A distant memory
A memory filled with promises

Promises of Life
Of what Life can be
Of what Life should be
Of what I want Life to be

If actions speak louder than words
How is it when there is nothing ?
Neither the actions nor the words

Every time I want it broken
It grows and I let it
I'm tired, so I let it

I hold myself back and ask
What is it that only I can see?
Why is it so strong?

The words unspoken
When they are said
Will they break my heart
Or bring me back from the living dead.

Lessons [....] 3

I'm sinking
I throw my hands up to reach you
You walk past
Our eyes meet
We smile
You continue walking
The ground beneath my feet turns firm
I get up, shrug
We look back at each other again
Smile, it wasn't meant to be
Friends forever, we shall be

untitled_heartfelt_2

I bury myself in words
go from hope to despair
and keep coming back for more

I hide my fears and joys
pains and jubilations
anxiety and excitement
as I bury myself in words

All I want to do is talk to you
I wait for the inevitable
You'll either know me better than the rest
or be one of many that knows me not

As I bury myself in words
I hide, hide, hide
without letting my faith be buried alive.

untitled_heartfelt_1

You run not to me, but away
I convince myself to move on
But every time I limp out of being in love with you, I fall again.

I have hope
Because when I'm happy with you
There is nothing missing and life makes sense.

Passion.

Passion.[pash-uhn]
-a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything
-the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior

©

Too much too soon

A lifetime of Idolizing love has meant that the slightest essence of it is overpowering.
Its time to descend to reality and attempt to keep the feet on the ground and the heart anchored solid.

And so I tell myself, yet once again, fighting myself to let my better sense of judgment prevail

Sadness is the truest form of existence.

Everything we do, is to try and escape from being natural, sad. Family, Friendship, Love, Career, we dedicate our lives to these efforts to escape the sadness.

Nobody wants to be sad, in trying to escape from it, we, without our knowledge build up some expectations, hopes and aspirations. The image of achieving them gives us momentary sense of comfort, but when they fall short, we return to where it all started.

Sadness is always lurking in the background and will sneak in easily. Happiness is fragile. We don't need a reason to be sad, we are sad by default, so just be.

We need a reason to smile and be happy. We have to strive for it and cherish every moment of it.

Inspired by the teachings of The Buddha.

The Boulevard

(Inspired by the Walk of Fame)

A Star for every dream and as I walk past, I smile. I am thankful for the memories and what they have taught me. They remind me that when the heart wants what it wants, it just does not listen.

The epitaph reads:

"For when I let my heart go and for the dreams that are best served unfulfilled."

Fallacies of a hopeful heart

(Lessons learnt from dreams undone 2)

* Falling
* Seeing a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day (Inspired by the Temptations)
* Loss of sanity
* Living in oblivion
* Defying logic and doing things, otherwise frowned upon.
* Transition form bitter to sweet and vice versa in a snap
* Getting pseudo epiphanies
* Escapes to La-La land
* Hurting/Self-loathing, as a consequence of own actions and expectations
* Believing and hoping when there is nothing to hope or believe in

The need to belong

"A hypothesized need to form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships is evaluated in light of the empirical literature. The need is for frequent, nonaversive interactions within an ongoing relational bond. Consistent with the belongingness hypothesis, people form social attachments readily under most conditions and resist the dissolution of existing bonds. Belongingness appears to have multiple and strong effects on emotional patterns and on cognitive processes. Lack of attachments is linked to a variety of ill effects on health, adjustment, and well-being. Other evidence, such as that concerning satiation, substitution, and behavioral consequences, is likewise consistent with the hypothesized motivation. Several seeming counterexamples turned out not to disconfirm the hypothesis. Existing evidence supports the hypothesis that the need to belong is a powerful, fundamental, and extremely pervasive motivation."

(PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2007 APA, all rights reserved)

Authors: Baumeister, Roy F.; Leary, Mark R.
Affiliations: Baumeister,Roy F.: Case Western Reserve U, Dept of Psychology, Cleveland, OH, US

Source: Psychological Bulletin. 1995 May Vol 117(3) 497-529

[...] gloom 2

When I ran to you, I was lost. Now I'm abandoned.

Conversations between the heart and the mind 1

Enduring the pain Vs Shortcuts to paradise
(Lessons learnt from dreams undone)

Verbose:

heart: okay, I like this person, i should tell them and see what happens
mind: give it more time, don't get carried away, be patient

heart: she seems to like me, I should go out of my way to make it known that I like her
mind: be good to yourself before you are to others. Have some ego. You'll end up looking desperate.

heart: so am i ?
mind: Well, yes and no. Yes, when you feel like something could happen, there is a tendency to go overboard. No, because you know what you want and you would not do it with just about anyone. They have to be something

heart: But I want to be happy
mind: So does everyone, but how you approach it and how you handle and carry yourself is important.

heart: So I should cut back my natural instincts, be less impulsive and take my time to do anything ?
mind: Give it time, be yourself, but less creepy.

heart: But I'm really excited this could be happening
mind: If you get ahead of yourself, you deny yourself the chance to explore the possibility of something happening.

heart: i seem to operate in extremes.
mind: its good to be excited and its good to look forward to something. Don't expect too much out of it and don't get overwhelmed by it. Stay in control, keep it under check, and if it really is the right time and person, whatever has to happen will happen.

heart: Is it wrong to be really really happy about something ?
mind: No it isn't. But always know that this state of total happiness is not easy to achieve with everyone and the more you look for it, the more it eludes you. You may think that you have stumbled upon it, and want to accelerate towards it , but that will not happen. That total happiness comes only when you have given it time, understood and appreciate the person and the situations. Its not something you stumble upon, it is something you work towards.

heart: I feel sad and lonely
mind: Its better to wait for the person who likes you for you, looks at things the same way as you, than rush and be with someone who doesn't understand or appreciate you. The wait is a short-term endurance for something good long term. The rush is a stop-gap solution leading to compounded misery

heart: yeah, but ...
mind: That's the truth, get over it, live with it.

Top 10 songs with the oomph

10) Last Christmas, George Michael

9) Ordinary world, Duran duran

8) Always, Bon Jovi

7) Yedaloganam, Anand OST
Interpretation: A song in the mind

6) It must have been Love, Roxette

5) In these arms, Bon Jovi

4) Careless whisper, Wham!

3) Engai enadhu kavithai, Kandukondain kandukondain OST
Interpretation: Where is the poem ?

2) Oh priya priya, Geetanjali OST
Interpretation: Oh loved one.

1) Mausam (Zindagi ne Zindagi bar gham diye) , The Train OST
Interpretation: Life has bestowed sorrows throughout.

The things that fill me with gloom

"Unless I make an effort, I wonder if we would be talking at all"

Indifference and being taken for granted.

Grains of Sand (Alternate Version)

Soft and Gentle, grains of sand
Oh how I want to hold you, in my hand

The more I grip, the more you slip

I want you to see
That we are meant to be

But the more I grip, the more you slip

So I decided to let you go
If you really love me, I will know

and what I thought, wasn't so
the breeze, the sand and me, let it be, let it be.

Grains of Sand

Soft and Gentle, grains of sand
Oh how I want to hold you, in my hand

The more I grip, the more you slip

I want you to see
That we are meant to be

But the more I grip, the more you slip

So I decided to let you go
If you really love me, I will know

and with the breeze we shall elope.

Inspired by DCH

The "Singled" out feeling

Visualization.

There's bridge A and there's bridge B. You are currently on bridge A. While on bridge A, you are quite happy with where you are, your career is going well, you have a decent set of friends, everyday life is not too short of peachy.

Quite happy is not good enough, because bridge B is something that you have idolized. Bridge B is where you think you belong. Its where you know you'll be happy beyond belief.

There are no known connectors to the life at bridge B. Currently, there is no awareness to a transition mechanism to cross over to bridge B, to sum it up, its barely in sight , but not completely gone. You want bridge B so much that you won't accept that it is not there. The classical argument being, "Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean that it is not there". It is not just getting to bridge B, it is doing so with all the right factors.

Bridge A is a good place to be, for it could be worse, but now that it s there, now that it is under control, it is inevitable that bridge B is hoped for, because remaining on bridge A is akin to feeling crowded while alone and feeling lonely while in a crowd.

It is being singled out and watching the world go by, wishing that the fog is cleared and believing that bridge B is not just a destination, its the start of another journey.

Preparing for the fall

I tell myself I'm over it, but I'm not over it. I don't even know if I want to be over it. And quite honestly, it gives me jitters to think about the aftermath, trying to hold on to hope, when there is nothing to float it on. Yes I have been there before and having been there is precisely the reason why I dread it so much.

But, it'll be okay, it will be fine. It is going to teach me lessons I'm unaware of and make me a stronger person. One day when I look back, I'd smile about this and be thankful for what it has done to me.

As for now, it will be terrifying, but I can strive to survive better this time than I did it previously and move towards being immune to it.

Turn, turn, turn

To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late

©

Symbolizing the end..

Ross: Yeah, but this can't be it (the end), I mean ...
Rachel: Then how come it is ?

© The F.R.I.E.N.D.S people

Sadness...

Sadness, is what is required to appreciate happiness, to be thankful of all the things that we take for granted. They could all be just as elusive as love it self. Is there any way or should there be anyway that there is no sadness? Would happiness mean the same ?

I think sometimes may be sadness makes you want to hold on to happiness even when it isn' t evidently there ? Some sadness, could be productive, to look back, to grieve on things unattained but expected, un-fulfilled but wished upon. But for how long. After a point, it becomes diminishing returns. Instead of learning from it and moving on, if you're stuck, its not a good place to be holding on to. Even a positive thing could be looked upon with distrust, suspect and foul intent, when it isn't quite so.

So, where is the place for sadness, where does it end and how much of it is required to grow as a person ? Are people in love ever sad? Should they be sad ? Is there such a thing as being sad and happy at the same time? Or knowing that sadness is time for retrospect and well being is right around the corner ? All I know from feeling it is that prolonged exposure to it will cause long term damage and will obstruct paths to eternal happiness (if such a thing exists).

Why is there more ooomph in a sad song than there is in a happy love song ?
Why are remorse and regret stronger emotions than being happy, being content ?

Being alone and being lonely

Why does the mind wander?
Why does your heart feel a longing for that it has never felt ?
Why is there this "quest" for something, anything ?
Why can't the mind, heart and a relative state of well being stay constant and retain happiness to never feel the "blues" ?
Why is being alone, lonely ?

I think for some people, there is this little voice somewhere inside that is saying, yes you are happy now, but there's more. There's more, you don't know it yet, but its there. You can't stop believing in it, because you know it exists, no matter how much it eludes you, no matter how much pain the pursuit of it causes, you know it exists and deep inside, you know you want it and you want let go of it. No matter how conscious an effort you make to not let it affect you, it resurfaces and when it does, you are lonely even when you are not alone.

Do I want to be rid of it? Can I get rid of it? If I did, will it make me happier ? If I did, will I never feel the emptiness ever again? I guess the answer is, you can't feel much empty when it already is the bottom of the barrel with nothing in it. Perhaps this is why they say hope keeps you afloat? For those that are courageous enough to let the water flow, I hope somewhere, sometime, you will let it in again.

As for me, I'm staying afloat for as long as it takes. No matter what.

Sharing ..

The bond between two people in love is quite amazing. Sometimes opposites do attract, sometimes its the opposite. But for two people to enjoy the same things together at the same level, that is something worth living for.

To know that when you are playing tennis or going for a jog or on a beach, both are there because this what they like doing and not just there, merely to be with the other or to spend time with the other or because one person likes it and the other person wants to see the other happy.

It is when both enjoy it and the fact they are together while they do things they would enjoy individually, that compounds the joy and happiness.

Busy Lives

The busy lives we lead leave us little time to ever so subtly suggest that special affection you share with someone. Affection means something. There is something about the person you like. Sometimes, its just friendship, a sharing of attitudes and experiences. A matching of the mindsets. Sometimes its more than that. Sometimes there is a possibility that affection could be more than just. It could mean that this is the person you look forward to seeing after working 12 hour days. Because just a glimpse and life makes sense. Just a few words shared and life is no longer a rat race. A warm gentle embrace and time stands still and that is all you want to come home to for as long as you work, play or do nothing.

That embrace gives meaning to an otherwise meaningless life.

Friendship and Love

Friendship is when you love someone for who they are, share their happiness and pain and always want them to be happy no matter where they are, who they are with.

Love is when that one special friend finds this happiness when they are around you. And being around you, sharing your thoughts and fears and growing old with you.

This one special friend, becomes you and you become them.

What is it about holding hands, walking on the beach ?

Walking hand in hand, in to the sunset. It's neither about the sunset, nor the golden sandy shores of the pacific, nor the gentle breeze, nor the calmness of it all. It is the feeling of being there, holding hands, feeling the heartbeat, breathing in the heavy air of the ocean shore and knowing if there was ever happiness, then this be it. This happiness is not to die for, it is to start living.

What is Love?

I guess it means different things to different people. To me personally, I think it's the one person you absolutely can't do without.

I see life as continuous growing experience. A relationship adds a new dimension. That new dimension inspires you to be better than you ever imagined. It is your loudest critic and your strongest supporter at the same time.

So to be ready to think about the dimension, I think it's important that two people really know and understand what they want for themselves, individually before deciding what they want from each other and as a couple collectively.

This certainly puts a pragmatic twist to Love. I can say that at least one thing that isn't practical is the chemistry between two people. To me, that is pure coincidence and it doesn't happen with everyone.

I'm always going to be one of those fools who believe that the person I end up with will be THE person, for I believe that no matter the circumstances and no matter the hardships, the collective will of two people, either consciously or sub-consciously (luck) will ensure that they end up together.

To sum it up, to me, Love is a combination of coincidence, being at peace with ourselves, knowing what we want and a dash of good luck.

It eludes me.

Eloping with the breeze

Eloping with the breeze is about the escapes of the mind.
It's a reality that doesn't exist or is as such unknown.
It is as much a work of fiction as it is a perception of reality.
It is momentary and instinctive.
It is an effort of comprehending in simple words, what is caught in my imagination.

Some people may call this day-dreaming. I wouldn't say it is entirely in-accurate.