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Generations pass,
as I sit, glaring at the horizon
time stands still
life seems to have lost its meaning

I stop to smell the roses,
see the dance of the dew drops,
smell the earth before the rain,
I stop, all but for a reluctant smile

The full spectrum of emotions,
the joy, the hope, the angst
the faith, the patience, the fear,
they pierce through me as I lay quiet

All dedicated to the month of October,
as generations pass by the second,
I wait for the time,
the reluctance is lost from my smile.

Strong Points of a hopeful heart

* Falling ( by following your heart)
* Seeing a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day (Inspired by the Temptations)
* Loss of sanity (everything is not logical)
* Living in oblivion (everything is not as it seems)
* Defying logic and doing things, otherwise frowned upon (human beings are not machines)
* Transition form bitter to sweet and vice versa in a snap (Emotions)
* Getting pseudo epiphanies (Hope envisions itself)
* Escapes to La-La land (Having something to look forward to)
* Hurting/Self-loathing, as a consequence of own actions and expectations (Emotions, Human Beings)
* Believing and hoping when there is nothing to hope or believe in (Following gut instincts)

In contrast to this

Waiting...

Every time I see your name light up
There's a spark
I'm alive

My heart screams
But I stay quiet

I want to reach out
But I stay restrained

Its a matter of time
Its just a matter of time

For, the ray of hope could be sunshine
or just a star on this boulevard of mine

The words unspoken

The words unspoken are relentless
They play tricks with the heart and the mind
Sometimes cruel, sometimes kind

I hold on to a memory
A distant memory
A memory filled with promises

Promises of Life
Of what Life can be
Of what Life should be
Of what I want Life to be

If actions speak louder than words
How is it when there is nothing ?
Neither the actions nor the words

Every time I want it broken
It grows and I let it
I'm tired, so I let it

I hold myself back and ask
What is it that only I can see?
Why is it so strong?

The words unspoken
When they are said
Will they break my heart
Or bring me back from the living dead.

Lessons [....] 3

I'm sinking
I throw my hands up to reach you
You walk past
Our eyes meet
We smile
You continue walking
The ground beneath my feet turns firm
I get up, shrug
We look back at each other again
Smile, it wasn't meant to be
Friends forever, we shall be

untitled_heartfelt_2

I bury myself in words
go from hope to despair
and keep coming back for more

I hide my fears and joys
pains and jubilations
anxiety and excitement
as I bury myself in words

All I want to do is talk to you
I wait for the inevitable
You'll either know me better than the rest
or be one of many that knows me not

As I bury myself in words
I hide, hide, hide
without letting my faith be buried alive.

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You run not to me, but away
I convince myself to move on
But every time I limp out of being in love with you, I fall again.

I have hope
Because when I'm happy with you
There is nothing missing and life makes sense.

Passion.

Passion.[pash-uhn]
-a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything
-the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior

©

Too much too soon

A lifetime of Idolizing love has meant that the slightest essence of it is overpowering.
Its time to descend to reality and attempt to keep the feet on the ground and the heart anchored solid.

And so I tell myself, yet once again, fighting myself to let my better sense of judgment prevail

Sadness is the truest form of existence.

Everything we do, is to try and escape from being natural, sad. Family, Friendship, Love, Career, we dedicate our lives to these efforts to escape the sadness.

Nobody wants to be sad, in trying to escape from it, we, without our knowledge build up some expectations, hopes and aspirations. The image of achieving them gives us momentary sense of comfort, but when they fall short, we return to where it all started.

Sadness is always lurking in the background and will sneak in easily. Happiness is fragile. We don't need a reason to be sad, we are sad by default, so just be.

We need a reason to smile and be happy. We have to strive for it and cherish every moment of it.

Inspired by the teachings of The Buddha.

The Boulevard

(Inspired by the Walk of Fame)

A Star for every dream and as I walk past, I smile. I am thankful for the memories and what they have taught me. They remind me that when the heart wants what it wants, it just does not listen.

The epitaph reads:

"For when I let my heart go and for the dreams that are best served unfulfilled."

Fallacies of a hopeful heart

(Lessons learnt from dreams undone 2)

* Falling
* Seeing a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day (Inspired by the Temptations)
* Loss of sanity
* Living in oblivion
* Defying logic and doing things, otherwise frowned upon.
* Transition form bitter to sweet and vice versa in a snap
* Getting pseudo epiphanies
* Escapes to La-La land
* Hurting/Self-loathing, as a consequence of own actions and expectations
* Believing and hoping when there is nothing to hope or believe in

The need to belong

"A hypothesized need to form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships is evaluated in light of the empirical literature. The need is for frequent, nonaversive interactions within an ongoing relational bond. Consistent with the belongingness hypothesis, people form social attachments readily under most conditions and resist the dissolution of existing bonds. Belongingness appears to have multiple and strong effects on emotional patterns and on cognitive processes. Lack of attachments is linked to a variety of ill effects on health, adjustment, and well-being. Other evidence, such as that concerning satiation, substitution, and behavioral consequences, is likewise consistent with the hypothesized motivation. Several seeming counterexamples turned out not to disconfirm the hypothesis. Existing evidence supports the hypothesis that the need to belong is a powerful, fundamental, and extremely pervasive motivation."

(PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2007 APA, all rights reserved)

Authors: Baumeister, Roy F.; Leary, Mark R.
Affiliations: Baumeister,Roy F.: Case Western Reserve U, Dept of Psychology, Cleveland, OH, US

Source: Psychological Bulletin. 1995 May Vol 117(3) 497-529

[...] gloom 2

When I ran to you, I was lost. Now I'm abandoned.

Conversations between the heart and the mind 1

Enduring the pain Vs Shortcuts to paradise
(Lessons learnt from dreams undone)

Verbose:

heart: okay, I like this person, i should tell them and see what happens
mind: give it more time, don't get carried away, be patient

heart: she seems to like me, I should go out of my way to make it known that I like her
mind: be good to yourself before you are to others. Have some ego. You'll end up looking desperate.

heart: so am i ?
mind: Well, yes and no. Yes, when you feel like something could happen, there is a tendency to go overboard. No, because you know what you want and you would not do it with just about anyone. They have to be something

heart: But I want to be happy
mind: So does everyone, but how you approach it and how you handle and carry yourself is important.

heart: So I should cut back my natural instincts, be less impulsive and take my time to do anything ?
mind: Give it time, be yourself, but less creepy.

heart: But I'm really excited this could be happening
mind: If you get ahead of yourself, you deny yourself the chance to explore the possibility of something happening.

heart: i seem to operate in extremes.
mind: its good to be excited and its good to look forward to something. Don't expect too much out of it and don't get overwhelmed by it. Stay in control, keep it under check, and if it really is the right time and person, whatever has to happen will happen.

heart: Is it wrong to be really really happy about something ?
mind: No it isn't. But always know that this state of total happiness is not easy to achieve with everyone and the more you look for it, the more it eludes you. You may think that you have stumbled upon it, and want to accelerate towards it , but that will not happen. That total happiness comes only when you have given it time, understood and appreciate the person and the situations. Its not something you stumble upon, it is something you work towards.

heart: I feel sad and lonely
mind: Its better to wait for the person who likes you for you, looks at things the same way as you, than rush and be with someone who doesn't understand or appreciate you. The wait is a short-term endurance for something good long term. The rush is a stop-gap solution leading to compounded misery

heart: yeah, but ...
mind: That's the truth, get over it, live with it.

Top 10 songs with the oomph

10) Last Christmas, George Michael

9) Ordinary world, Duran duran

8) Always, Bon Jovi

7) Yedaloganam, Anand OST
Interpretation: A song in the mind

6) It must have been Love, Roxette

5) In these arms, Bon Jovi

4) Careless whisper, Wham!

3) Engai enadhu kavithai, Kandukondain kandukondain OST
Interpretation: Where is the poem ?

2) Oh priya priya, Geetanjali OST
Interpretation: Oh loved one.

1) Mausam (Zindagi ne Zindagi bar gham diye) , The Train OST
Interpretation: Life has bestowed sorrows throughout.

The things that fill me with gloom

"Unless I make an effort, I wonder if we would be talking at all"

Indifference and being taken for granted.

Grains of Sand (Alternate Version)

Soft and Gentle, grains of sand
Oh how I want to hold you, in my hand

The more I grip, the more you slip

I want you to see
That we are meant to be

But the more I grip, the more you slip

So I decided to let you go
If you really love me, I will know

and what I thought, wasn't so
the breeze, the sand and me, let it be, let it be.

Grains of Sand

Soft and Gentle, grains of sand
Oh how I want to hold you, in my hand

The more I grip, the more you slip

I want you to see
That we are meant to be

But the more I grip, the more you slip

So I decided to let you go
If you really love me, I will know

and with the breeze we shall elope.

Inspired by DCH

The "Singled" out feeling

Visualization.

There's bridge A and there's bridge B. You are currently on bridge A. While on bridge A, you are quite happy with where you are, your career is going well, you have a decent set of friends, everyday life is not too short of peachy.

Quite happy is not good enough, because bridge B is something that you have idolized. Bridge B is where you think you belong. Its where you know you'll be happy beyond belief.

There are no known connectors to the life at bridge B. Currently, there is no awareness to a transition mechanism to cross over to bridge B, to sum it up, its barely in sight , but not completely gone. You want bridge B so much that you won't accept that it is not there. The classical argument being, "Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean that it is not there". It is not just getting to bridge B, it is doing so with all the right factors.

Bridge A is a good place to be, for it could be worse, but now that it s there, now that it is under control, it is inevitable that bridge B is hoped for, because remaining on bridge A is akin to feeling crowded while alone and feeling lonely while in a crowd.

It is being singled out and watching the world go by, wishing that the fog is cleared and believing that bridge B is not just a destination, its the start of another journey.